Tim Høiland
20Dec/11Off

Rainer Maria Rilke on love

From Letters to a Young Poet (Norton) by Rainer Maria Rilke:

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, for a long time ahead and far on into life, is --: solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent --?), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distances. Only in this sense, as the task of working on themselves (‘to hearken and to hammer day and night’), may young people use the love that is given to them. Merging and surrendering and every kind of communion is not for them (who must still, for a long, long time, save and gather themselves); it is the ultimate, is perhaps that for which human lives are as yet barely large enough...

The claims that the difficult work of love makes upon our development are greater than life, and we, as beginners, are not equal to them. But if we nevertheless endure and take this love upon us as burden and apprenticeship, instead of losing ourselves in the whole easy and frivolous game behind which people have hidden from the most solemn solemnity of their being, -- then a small advance and a lightening will perhaps be perceptible to those who come long after us. That would be much.

What do you think of Rilke's understanding of love? How does it correct common misunderstandings of love today? Where might it come up short?

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  1. I appreciate this description of love. He talks about a long slow growth, which I think is a much more accurate description of love than what we see described by popular culture. In my own life I can see how love has developed slowly. What I thought of as love, when I was young and smitten with my boyfriend, is nothing compared to the love that has developed from having been married for 8 years. And I look forward to how much more mature my love with be 30 years from now.

    However, what I do feel is lacking from his description is the instantaneous and overwhelming love that came with the birth of each of my children. The power of that love is intense and does not diminish over time, as does mere infatuation. It has grown more intense as I have watched my children develop and grow, and in that way, it is similar to the love he describes. But there is something completely primal about my love for my children, that he has not captured in his description.

  2. Thanks for this, Jenn!


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